Thursday, November 13, 2008

overwhelming sadness

Question? is it really worth the tears if no one sees you cry? Everyone is sleeping and here I sit crying. No one to witness the genuine heart ache I feel. Not that I want my kids to see me cry.I have worn my super mom cape many days, putting my emotions on the back burner,throwing on my happy face and making sure that they don't see me suffering.I thank God for blessing me with 3 demanding children to keep my mind occupied all day. But when the house is silent and I am left alone with my thoughts,I start to slowly deteriorate.The pain is physically exhausting yet my mind can't sleep.

Maybe the puffy eyes and the mound of snot filled tissues will give it away in the morning but I want to be validated now.So...I blog! I need to vent,get it out,talk,type,write something! I can't just sit here and cry alone.I have cried alone for the last 3 months. I have never been the type to hide my emotions. I am the girl who cry's during commercials not Mrs.Bad ass,hard core pillar of strength that I have taken on the role of.I know all the right things to do..lean on God,pray,call a friend,talk to Bobby to get it out but I don't want to! I don't want to hear "it will be OK",I don't want to hear"I am sorry", I don't want to hear how strong I am. I just want to cry and have my tears and my pain seen.

5 comments:

Laurie said...

Get it out, Grace.

{{hugs}}

Angelle said...

I am thinking of you. Don't ever be afraid to cry.

Mandi said...

*sigh*... I'm thinking of you!

LeShayne said...

Thinking of you here too. And definitely cry when you need too!

Angel said...

Sometimes we all need a new cry... do what you need to do... you know yourself best ... we love you!